And Then It Happens Again

And yesterday I said things would be different but when today came nothing really changed.
This is what I consumed today (as much as i can remember, i think there was an extra bowl of cereal in there somewhere)

1 box Golden Baked Cluster Crunch Cereal 2190 calories
4 Croissants 883 calories
1 litre skim milk 340 calories
200g Hommus 602 calories
6 mini bread rolls 643 calories
375g Cream Cheese Spread 768 calories
12 Cinnamon Doughnuts 1890 calories
Butter 1000 calories
Bread Twist 4038 calories
10 Tortilla Wraps 1360 calories
Can of Spaghetti 169 calories

Total = 13883 calories

And So It Is.......

So things lately have not been going well, I have been binge/purging ALOT and it feels like a cycle that is VERY VERY hard to break. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel HOPELESS.

What Do I Do When I Don't Know

I dont know what I want. I WANT RECOVERY but at the same time I don't want what comes with recovery.......