Chocolate will lead to my undoing.......

And chocolate is one of my weaknesses.......grrrrrrrrrrrrr

250g Dairy Milk Chocolate 1328 calories
250g Creme Brulee Chocolate 1423 calories
170g White Chocolate Kit Kat 923 calories

All purged ARGHHHHHHHHHH when will this chaos END!

I Wonder.......

I wonder what life would be like without an eating disorder. It is at the point now where I honestly dont know how I could ever stop this without physical restraints. I feel like I can't do this by myself. And I am lucky to have a support network there to help but I feel like such a weight on their shoulders.

And Why Dont I Just Stop....AND WHY CAN'T I

It feels as though things are out of my control. I don't know how to stop this cycle I'm in. My psychiatrist is away for this coming week and I wont see her until the 23rd April. I feel as though I am stuck. I feel completely stuck. Even today as I ate chocolate to an excess that I wanted to stop and yet at the same time keep going. I didn't even know what I really wanted.